Letters to my mother

{ above my dad, mom, aunt circa 1979}

followed by my sister, mom, and I

Dearest Mom,

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I wish more than anything in the world to be able to see you and tell you just how much I love, admire, and appreciate you.  You are the best mother I could have ever asked for.  During your short time here, you lived your life with such beauty and grace.  You touched so many people without the want or need for recognition or accolades, and never asked for anything in return.  You thrived off knowing that the ones you helped were better off in some way because of you.  I am so blessed to have had a mom like you.  

It's been almost two years now since I last saw you, and so much has happened since then.  I have to admit that life was so hard when we first lost you.  I woke up everyday feeling empty, angry, and lost, and nothing could fill the hole in my heart or mend the pain I was experiencing.  You would be kinda disappointed and maybe even amused when I tell you that I tried to drown my sadness with retail. (Sorry mom!).  I bought everything from a limited edition Kitchen Aid Mixer to 50 pairs of shoes and MORE.  You were right, things don't make people happy. I learned that the hard way, but nonetheless, the euphoria was temporary and I've learned my lesson (kinda).  But not to worry, I've done some really productive things too... I went to grad school, made great friends, took a cake decorating class, went to therapy, traveled, improved my cooking skills, took care of Dad, and took control of my life.  Next month will mark the end of my second year of Graduate School, and by next June, I will have my Masters in Counseling Psychology/Marriage and Family therapy!  Time sure flies.  

Mandi is doing well too.  She is finishing up her clinical laboratory science program and is planning to go on to become a Physician's Assistant.  We take care of each other and are closer than ever.   To your dismay, we are both each other's shopping partners, and always over spend, but take heart that we always think of you before each purchase and decide if it is something you would like or not :)  

Derek and I are still going strong.  He is almost done with his Law/MBA program at Santa Clara, and just got an awesome job opportunity at Oracle.  You would be so proud of him, and I am too :) Despite trying to annoy each other to death, he is my best friend and takes good care of me.  We support each other in everything we do, and are learning to work out all our little relationship kinks here and there.  No plans of getting married yet,  we are just taking life one day at a time and enjoying being young. 

Dad and Lucy are doing well too.  Lucy is a little feisty ball of joy.  She is so smart and doesn't take any nonsense.  Dad... wait for it... has quite a few "fans" as you use to call it! Who knew he could be such a hot commodity? You were right mom, men always need someone to take care of them, so I know you're not surprised, and probably even happy to hear that we don't have to worry about him too much. He's actually a lot more independent than he used to be, and I know you'd be proud of him for that. 

 I cannot tell you how much I miss you.  All the special days and holidays during the year are so much harder without you, but I know that even though you can't be here with me now, your memory is always close to my heart.  

Thank you for being my mom.  Everything I do, I promise to always make you proud. I love you. 

Always,

Missy